Menopause has long been treated as a quiet, private transition - something discussed in a hushed manner, if at all. But as conversations around women’s health are becoming increasingly prevalent, the time for breaking this taboo is now. To truly understand the impact of this transition, we must consider the medical knowledge alongside the lived experience.

Below, we bring together two powerful, unedited perspectives that bridge this gap. First is a raw, deeply personal account of a 57-year-old woman navigating severe perimenopausal symptoms while managing a demanding corporate career. Second is a clinical response from Lily Samuels, founder of Lily Samuels Nutrition, explaining the hormonal science behind these struggles and offering actionable strategies for families, colleagues, and employers.

Read together, they show that what is often felt as personal weakness is, in reality, a profound physiological shift that requires support, tailored nutrition, and societal change.

Part 1: The Lived Experience

By Anonymous Participant

I’m 57 and have been in perimenopause and menopause since I was 50 years old.

I want to be in the last generation that didn’t talk about the menopause. It wasn’t just a taboo subject when I was younger, it was described in two whispered words, ‘The Change’, no further explanation, no questions allowed. As a 15- to 25-year-old, you don’t pursue these conversations, because frankly, you are not interested in something that is affecting an ‘old’ woman. Looking back, I regret that. How I wish I’d know what I might be facing later in life and possibly given my mum the opportunity to feel heard.

I began to experience unexplained ‘changes’ to both my physical appearance and my mental state from my 50^th birthday; weight gain, dry skin, constant indigestion, tinnitus, then, sudden sweats, rage, deep sadness, forgetfulness, inability to sleep through the night and waking, soaked in sweat. I felt unattractive and incapable. This led to anxiety about my ability to do my job, which at the time was finance and management of housing for the elderly. I began to fear ‘dropping the ball’, which could have serious consequences for my staff and those I was charged with looking after. A quiet creeping anxiety took over and I dreaded attending meetings, even going to work– many times, I would cry in the car on the way. I put on a brave face, I felt that I couldn’t show ‘weakness’ to those I was managing, or those I answered to. I just didn’t feel that there was anyone at work who was receptive to these conversations. I was the HR department. My personal life was affected too, I became anxious, and angry over very ‘small’ things, even with the people I love most. My husband suffered for my feelings of anger and low self-worth, I was often distant. Being of a similar age, and even having 3 older sisters, his family hadn’t talked about menopause either. He tried hard to understand, and I was very fortunate that he was patient and supportive, despite getting pushed away. I had previously been independent and capable and was frustrated that I couldn’t ‘fix’ this myself.

Life became a constant planning exercise in what to wear, that could be stripped off when a sweat came, carrying tissues for tears, always needing to know that everywhere I went had a toilet. It was exhausting. You avoid social situations, meetings, even friends. You start to imagine that you are losing you grip – dementia maybe?

In the early years, I visited doctors on several occasions, and none of them spoke at any length about the menopause. Lose weight, get more sleep, try yoga…. I was left feeling like a time waster and a bit of a fraud. So, I ploughed on and put up with it. It was certainly a contributory factor to my decision to take early retirement; I had reached the height of exhaustion and was anxious all of the time. We moved away from home in England to Scotland in 2022, hoping that a quieter life would resolve my issues. My periods stopped in 2023, but hot sweats became much worse and more frequent. Still, I thought, they have to stop soon, it’s been 3 years! 

I continued to try to lose weight, eat healthily, be positive, but sweats, anxiety and rage persisted. Fast forward to 2026 and a routine blood test in which older nurse mentioned that her menopause journey was 10 years, that I stopped waiting - I deserve to feel better now!

I took to social media to ‘research’ and in fact there is a lot of helpful (as well as some ridiculous) information out there. Drs Amir Khan and Nighat Arif (both Instagram) gave practical advice that convinced me to go back to the NHS and ask for a ‘menopause nurse’ – it turned out to be a woman of my age who had experienced many of the symptoms I had. She was just the right person to talk to me – as embarrassing as it was to reveal all my feelings of inadequacy and weakness. She listened and did not interrupt. For my situation she recommended HRT (combined) for 3 months. It has been miraculous; the day and night sweats have all but gone and my mood swings and anxiety have reduced. I feel hopeful, calmer and my husband feels safe – we can love and laugh now. 

If I could say one thing to prospective healthcare professionals, it is talk to your older female relatives, ask about their experiences, I’m sure they have useful insight – male relatives too – they have lived alongside it. Don’t force people to go to the internet for advice. Please help women who come to you to talk, feel free of embarrassment and know that you are really listening and try to give them hope. Each women’s journey seems to be slightly different, but all the feelings going with it are valid. You will all be affected by this, one way or another at some point – good luck. 

Part 2: A Professional Input

By Lily Samuels, Founder, Lily Samuels Nutrition

Crying in the car before work. Planning outfits around sweats. Knowing where every toilet is. Hiding it from her staff and her bosses, with nobody to turn to, because she was the HR department. I hear this every week, and none of it is weakness.

Perimenopause usually starts in your 40s, but it can begin before 40, and symptoms can last seven years or more. Progesterone often falls first; it calms the brain and supports deep sleep, so its decline brings anxiety and broken nights. Oestrogen then fluctuates and falls, affecting temperature, mood and memory, which is why the sweats, rage and forgetfulness arrived together. The memory changes are real, usually improve after the transition, and are usually not a sign of dementia. Falling oestrogen also disrupts blood sugar, shifts fat to the stomach and speeds up muscle and bone loss, which is why weight becomes harder to manage.

Protein at every meal, wholefood carbohydrates such as oats, lentils and wholegrains, healthy fats from oily fish, nuts, seeds and olive oil, plenty of fibre and strength training target these changes directly. Have your vitamin D level tested before you supplement, so you know what you actually need. Keep a symptom journal before seeing your GP so you make the most of your 10 minutes, and ask about your options, including HRT. Consider a qualified nutritionist too. Part of your answer might be on your plate.

If you are supporting someone, ask how she is and listen without trying to fix it. Then ask what would help: understand that the rage and low mood are hormonal, not personal, help her keep the symptom journal, or go with her to the GP. At work, the basics matter: a fan, flexible hours, and managers trained to spot symptoms and start the conversation. Colleagues matter just as much: a quiet check-in, patience on a bad day, or covering for her when she needs to step out can be the difference between coping and leaving. Around one in ten women leave work because of symptoms. For her, it was one factor in retiring early. That is skill and experience employers can keep.

So, What Next?

Ultimately, these two accounts show that menopause is not just an individual medical issue - it is a societal and workplace challenge that requires collective empathy and action. By listening to real, unfiltered stories and backing them up with clear nutritional and clinical science, we can strip away the lingering shame of "The Change." For students, young professionals, and future managers, understanding this transition early is vital. It empowers us to support our colleagues, understand our families, and advocate for more flexible, accommodating environments. True progress happens when we stop whispering about hormonal health and start building spaces where nobody is forced to suffer, or step away from their career, in silence.

If you’d like to learn more here are some useful resources:

Menopause Information Hub- Wellbeing of Women

Perimenopause and Menopause Nutritionist UK- Lily Samuels Nutrition

Menopause and Perimenopause- NHS